tears

today is my worst day.
even tgh taip ni pn rase cam nak nanges.
sumthing happened to me at my work place.
dlm keadaan yg blur2 sumbody take 'it' away.
dgn hati yg tak rela sy hanya mampu tengok je.
tak dapat nak menghalang sbb takde kudrat utk berbuat begitu.
sume tanye kenapa.
and i just gave them a fake smile.
air mata da bergenang.
ya ALLAh, agak hebat dugaan kali ni.
sampai Bos offer diri hantar sy balik, accompanied by Kak Tim.
and sampai rumah terus lari laju2 masuk bilk.
parents da tanye mcm2 but i cant speak anything other than cry.
sampai skang parents tak tau.


hati still rasa tak tenang.
and souldear rasa serba salah.
sy tanak slh kan dea.
and sy tanak org laen slh kan dea.
tp sy tak tau camne..
seriously.
i'm blank.i'm blur.
camne nak kembalikan sy kpd keadaan asal?


and abah masuk blk dah 2 kali, mak dah byk kali.
ajak g mkn la, tnye mcm2 la.
ptg td abah dtg pegang bahu
"dik, nape ni?ckp kat abah.ada mslh ke?dah mkn?cte kat abah ape jd tadi?jgn simpan sorg..abah n mak ada lg.cite la..hurm..istighfar byk2, bg tenang hati tu.bykkan bedoa.cite la kat abah nt."

and i was like...........*speechless*
hanya mampu menggeleng je.


td after balik dr surau abah masuk blk lg.memujuk utk diberitahu.
"nape ni?abah susah hati tgk mcm ni.solat td pn abah rase tak khusyuk..cite la.."
still menangis.
"dah2..jgn mcm ni.sabar.ngucap byk2..g la mkn.org keje ni kene sehat, hati kene tenang.tak mkn camne nak sehat, ade tenaga?cite la kat abah.."
ya ALLAH..aku da tak mampu da nak tahan.
T.T

skrg ni terfikir blk, mungkin byk sgt kesalahan yg dah dilakukan smpai ALLAH uji mcm ni.